My Racing Thoughts Are Back

Just the same way that I have been suffering from OCD from as far back as I can remember, I have also been dealing with racing thoughts. I remember people calling it day dreaming, but once I got older and figured out how bad they have been affecting me, and then my shrink telling me what they are called,  I have been trying to deal with them with no luck.

While I was still drinking, my shrink told me many times, that I was using alcohol to self-medicate, and to be honest, he was right. The truth is, that when I drink alcohol, my mind quiets down, so I don’t have to deal with any anxiety, depression, sadness, worries, mood swings and intrusive or racing thoughts.

This morning, I woke up stressed and moody, and as I was taking a bath, I was able to put my finger on the cause… racing thoughts. I have been experiencing them for the last week or so, but I wasn’t putting much attention to them. Now, they are getting to me.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Family Matter

TGIF my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your morning, noon, evening or night to the fullest. I know the drill, so make sure to stay clean and or sober, specially this long ass weekend.

First, I would like to apologize to my loyal 1.5 readers for my late Friday post. YEAH RIGHT! Like if anybody really gives a flying fuck! But anyways, what had happened was… LMFAO, I always like to hear people say that shit. My wife’s asthma has been acting up since yesterday, so I decided to take a vacation day to stay home and take care of her.

In my defense, I have asked her numerous times since last night, if she wants to go to the emergency room, but as usual, she refused. Why? Because she hates hospitals and she think that she will be admitted for a couple of days. She has been using her inhaler and nebulizer, but we both know that she needs industrial strength medications, so she can get back to feeling better soon. Hey, it’s like they say, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink”. You’ll have to look at it from my point of view, I can’t force her, because I’m just her husband of 30+ years. SMFH!

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 41 Days = 1 Month And 10 Days

Anxiety Be Gone

Happy Thursday my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your morning, noon, evening or night to the fullest. Remember, it doesn’t matter if you have been clean and or sober for one day, one month or one year, what’s important is, that you are clean and or sober.

Ever since I’ve gotten sober a little over a month ago, I’ve also been trying to reduce my stress, in order to control my anxiety. One way that I’ve been able to do that is, by cutting down on things that can create negative thinking, like the news.

As a matter of fact, I’ve also changed the genre of music that I’m listening to on my way to the salt mines and back home. The way that I look at it is, that I must change the things that I’m exposing myself to, for me to feel better. My idea might sound crazy to some people, but the truth is, that I’ve noticed that it has been working for me. I do feel that my anxiety level has dropped, I feel more relaxed and I feel more optimistic.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 40 Days = 1 Month And 9 Days

To A Great Man And A Big Inspiration

Happy hump day my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your morning, noon, evening or night to the fullest, because we are here one second, then the next we are not. Also, make sure to keep your eyes on the BIG prize, staying clean and or sober.

On Monday, while I was at the salt mines, I got a call from my wife to inform me, that a retired neighbor of ours from across the street had passed away, due to complications from a fall. To be honest, the news really shocked me, because from the time that I was a kid, I really admired him and his wife. Because I used to see them go to and come from work, being a quiet couple and never getting into trouble. Every time I had the chance, I sat down and had long conversations with him.

My wife always told me that every time that he saw her, he told her that he admired me, because as he put it, the type of man that I have always been. He always told her, that he saw me coming from work, walking my dog and never getting into trouble. I believe that during one of our conversations, I told him that I admired him, because he was one of the few people in my block, who inspired me, to be who I am today. As a matter of fact, ever since I was a teenager, I have always enjoyed talking to the elders, because they always have something to teach me. We will all miss him.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 39 Days = 1 Month And 8 Days

To Each His Own

Happy Tuesday my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your morning, noon, evening or night to the fullest and make sure to stay clean or sober.

It’s incredible, how I’ve been sober for a little over a month now, and yet in the last couple of weeks, I had two people, try to get me to drink again. I mean, even after my wife and I, repeatedly told them, that I’m not drinking, these people just kept pushing the fucking subject.

I mean, is not like the two dumb-asses didn’t know that I’m a troubled weekend binge drinker. They’ve known me for many years, and they know the fucked relationship and history that I’ve had with alcohol. The only thing that comes to my mind is, how far some assholes will go, to see me fail. It also gives me a lot of joy and satisfaction, that because I’m doing the right thing, it’s annoying the living shit out of others who are not happy with their own lives.

The way that I have always looked at life is “Live and let live” and “To each his own”. That’s the reason why I never get involved in nobody’s life and I don’t give out advice or opinions.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 38 Days = 1 Month And 7 Days

Sober Reading

Happy Monday my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your morning, noon, evening or night to the fullest, and make sure to stay clean or sober.

Even though I’ve been sober for a little over a month now, I’m looking for things to do, in order to keep my crazy mind busy. But I want to make sure, that I don’t get involved in things that I will later hate or will become boring.

One thing that I have loved since I was a young teenager is reading. And trust me, I have a couple of books I bought a while back, that are screaming to get read. So, I will get started with that soon, while I figure out what’s my next move.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 37 Days = 1 Month And 6 Days

Don't Be A Dry Drunk!

Good morning and Happy Sunday my homies and homettes. I hope that you enjoy your day to the best of your ability. Remember to take it one day at a time, but if you are a weekend binge drinker like me, then take it one weekend at a time.

I have to say, that yesterday, while I was walking my furbaby Nino, I felt great. The temperature was warmer than normal here in New York City, but it was a little windy. And to be honest, just being sober and feeling the warm wind touch my body, was amazing. I felt like if I was experiencing it for the first time in my life.

There were a lot of things that I took for granted while I was drinking. So now, since I’m sober, I’m taking my time to enjoy them. Try to do the same kids, don’t just sit around thinking about the past and what could have been, read a book, go out for a walk, do something. But for God’s sake, don’t be a dry drunk.

With that said, I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Sobriety Counter: 36 Days = 1 Month And 5 Days